Monday, September 12, 2011

Just wondering...

I woke up early (EARLY, Joey.  TOO early!) this morning and as I lay in bed, listening to the gentle noises of my almost toddler caterwauling like a suffering tabby, I allowed my mind to wander over the various and sundry mysteries of my (admittedly) small universe and came up with the following:

How much liquid should my almost-one-year-old be drinking each day?  Does coffee count?  I think he's been drinking my coffee...

Why am I incapable of meal planning?  Why does 5:00 pm come up and slap me in the back of the head everyday and leave me stunned and stupid over the impending reality of dinner and the sorry truth that I have to make it.  Again.  Why can't men live on cereal like we can?

Is there a wittier ripost I might have offered to the Kaiser nurse who heckled  me over the phone whilst scheduling my first prenatal visit for this little bug and WHISTLED at me that I've been 'busy?'   "Heh heh heh.  Somebody's been havin' themselves some unprotected sex!" (I swear I could hear her internal monologue)

Why am I so fat already?  Why do I keep asking my husband if he thinks this is so, when I know well and good that for the sake of all that is holy the man is never, EVER going to answer in the affirmative to this one, even should I gain 2.3 million lbs like last time and start stealing his extra-large Kirkland's Best t-shirts to fashion into 3rd trimester mumus.  Even then, he knows the right answer to THAT question.

Why are boots so expensive when ground beef is so cheap?  Aren't they fashioned from the same creature?  Why the markup?  WHY?!


Come on.  Seriously?  A 1,700% mark up? That ain't right.

And finally, is it so wrong that after 28 years of searching, I've finally discovered the real motivating factor for exercise, and it turns out it's childcare?

I've calculated it carefully, and it turns out that in an average month I can score a maximum of 60 hours of babysitting courtesy of my local 24 Hour Fitness.  You can bet those girls in the Kid Zone have me on a first name basis.  Irony of ironies that my newfound exercise fanaticism is not going to help me get any smaller any time soon...


  1. This is so cute. I hear you on just about everything but the exercise. I wish I did that. Really. It has always sounded like a good idea...

    Many prayers and blessings to you during this time. I have to say, Isaac has been getting up earlier and earlier these days without the crib anymore. I suppose not a minute goes by where we aren't working on virtue...? Yikes.

    Just wait until you have your little peanut out into the world with Joey...and are grocery shopping, or in the library, or going for a walk. You will get the most random strangers who say the same thing..."How old are they? Oh! 19 months apart!? must be so busy...."

    Exactly. I am and I love it.

    Sometimes people just don't think...but perhaps aren't trying to be rude. At least that's the better part of me trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes they just need to know the weight of their words...somehow whenever it is fitting :)

    God bless! I am writing a novel, which is the sign to

  2. Honestly Cynthia, I wish I did stop and give people that ol benefit of the doubt more often. MUST work on that. I am wayyy too sensitive to the cutting (or just bumbling) words of others.

    Oh why oh why did you let Isaac out of his crib? :) Is there an age limit past the point of which it is considered cruel and unusual to cage-ahem-keep a 'baby' in his crib? I must find this out...

  3. Ps If I looked like you after 2 babes, I really think I would park the little guy in Kid Care and then hide in the locker room for 2 hours watching free HGTV. Exercise is a tad overrated. The gym, however, has other lovely amenities...

  4. love this. I can relate on too many levels.

    I would bullet point them all but its already 5:30 and I need to dig some frozen food out to 'make' for dinner.

  5. This post is so hilarious, I have to comment but don't even know what to say. Other than... you're hysterical. And I love you!


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