How 'A Mother's Rule of Life' is changing mine

I've been getting up before the kids do for the last week or so. And it is good. So, so good.

It all started back in late October when, in a blinded rage, I sat straight up in bed in the predawn light, my sheets dripping with the secretions of multiple preschoolers, and ordered our bedroom intruders out, out OUT.

No more could they come busting through our doorway at 6:40 am, 6:24 am, and finally (damn you, daylight savings) 5:45 am, yelling out breakfast orders and flinging themselves bodily upon our defenseless sleeping forms, bulging Pull Ups oozing overnight urine from regrettable 8pm sippy cup refills.

No more.

Marching the offenders back to their room, I pulled the door shut and slid to a sitting position in the hallway as the prisoners rained punches and kicks down upon it. Their shrieking protests soon woke the baby in the adjoining room, and so at 6:04 am, all three progeny were roused and ready to wreak havoc on the day, and I was ready to give up before sun up.

It feels crazy to write this, but this is basically how the last 4 years of life have been, give or take a few children.

And I didn't know I could change anything about that.

It's stupid, but it was a stupidity born of inexperience and, I think, a lack of discipline on my part. Both in dealing with the kids and, maybe more importantly, in structuring and scheduling my day.

But I honestly didn't know how to fix that.

Every single day I fell onto the couch or our bed after the bedtime antics finally wound down, exhausted to the core of my introverted soul and craving alone time, decompression, and distraction. And soon enough 11:35 pm would roll around and I'd still be up. And from that point on it was just an anxiety-riddled countdown until the first kid woke me for the day, only to repeat the cycle again. And again.

I needed more sleep, and I needed more structured, scheduled time in my day to recharge before I found myself drained and dead to the world.

Enter A Mother's Rule of Life.

I know it's cliche to say a self help book changed your life, but I'm going to say it, nonetheless. It could be a matter of timing and circumstance, but this book got me, and it got me good. I'm about to flip back to page one and start re-reading it from cover to cover, because I need it all to sink way, way in. But it's already starting to effect positive, tangible changes into my life and my motherhood. And in case any of you out there are drowning the way I was, I wanted to highlight some of the best takeaways I've gleaned from my first reading:

1. Order your day to reflect your priorities in life. So it should really look something like this: prayer, care for self, care for spouse and children, care for home and work, and finally, leisure.

My days formerly looked something like this: screaming/shower maybe? probably not/sweeping/frantic scrubbing/yelling/drive somewhere - probably Target/trip to park/zone out on internet/write/work/make dinner/yelling/snuggling/fighting/bedtime/tears/wine/internet/bed. And maybe a rosary somewhere.

2. Make a schedule. A schedule is not restrictive, it is liberating. 

Liberating because you are now free to walk past that full dishwasher and that pile of stuff on the floor because you have scheduled time to address those specific areas of concern, freeing you to hit the gym, the classroom, or your knees for whatever task is presently at hand.

I have resisted a schedule my entire life because I loathe the idea of being trapped in a routine. What I had somehow failed to realize all along was that a routine of my own creation was immensely freeing - it was completely mine to design. I'm having fewer and fewer moments of that panicky feeling when you think you should be doing w, x,y, or z and end up doing NONE OF THE ABOVE because you can't do them all at once, and you have no sense of the urgency of any of them because EVERYTHING FEELS URGENT. And so the opportunity slips away, unrealized.

3. You, as mother, are the CEO, the COO, and the CFO. So you'd better act like it.

And you'd better be spending good chunks of time with your advisory board (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) during the workday, because things do not go well otherwise.

I was fitting prayer into my life rather than the other way around, and wouldn't you know it, it was usually the one thing I could somehow never find time for. Funny how that works...

Now rather than rattling off a 3 minute Divine Mercy Chaplet on the treadmill when I remembered to, I'm spending the first part of my day with Scripture and some spiritual reading (and some coffee) before the kids are even allowed out of their rooms. And it is so life giving. I can say that even now, after only one week. It is giving me new life.

4. You're the boss. Nobody else is going to boss these kids for you. So you'd better learn how to do it.

I'm a little unclear on the origin of this particular heresy, but I somehow got it into my head that somebody was going to come and whip these small hellions into shape for me at some point along the journey of motherhood. I keep looking around and waiting, but so far nobody has come knocking offering solid advice on character formation, training in virtue, and schooling in laundry-folding. So, ahem, I guess that leaves...well, me.

Me. I'm the one. I have to figure out what it is that will get through to each of these small creatures, and then to approach them with my message of peace, love, and unwavering obedience. Because if I do not have the latter from them, our household cannot dwell in the former.

Now, I'm not claiming to have had any big breakthroughs in behavior here, except that we've been trying mightily to do the thing where we say what we mean and mean what we say...and then follow up on it. Every time.

Do you know how exhausting it is to follow up with preschoolers and toddlers? All I can say is, I hope it pays off. I've heard it does. I'm taking it on faith at this point, and so far, all I can show for it is the hopeful trend that for 5 straight days, the man cubs have stayed in their room until their alarm clock went off at 7 am, at which point the 7 on the clock matched the giant 7 drawn on the poster on their wall.

I really cannot say enough good things about this book, and about the effect that not living every day with my hair on fire (if wet hair, unstyled hair could catch fire) and feeling singularly persecuted by my delightful children has had on me. And on us.

Anyone else have experiences like this with A Mother's Rule? Or another life-changing read or piece of advice?

Now I've got to run, because laundry and bathroom scrubbing are actually next up on my schedule. But don't worry, the day ends with some quality wine time on the couch penciled in. Win/wine situation.

5 Favorite Denver area thrift stores

(Is five favorites still a thing? I'm so tired, and it seems easier than writing something meaningful or intellectually stimulating, so yay for lists.)

I thought I'd share some of my trade secrets since a couple local readers (hi guys!) asked, so here you have it, my top 5 picks for thrifting in the Mile High city:

1. Goodwill Glendale (behind Super Target and, um, Shotgun Willy's in Glendale. Awful.)

This is the holy grail of the big blue G. A veritable smorgasbord of Target rejects and overstock, and guaranteed to be bursting at the seams with practically the entire displaced population of Mexico if you venture in on a 50% off Saturday in the am. Se hablo espanol. Not even kidding a little bit.

Totally worth the drive for: home goods, furniture (really, really great for furniture. The best I've seen in the whole Denver metro), Target overstock with tags still on and everything, women's shoes, home decor.

2. Saver's Littleton (Littleton Blvd. and Windermere)

My regular stomping grounds. Sign up for a Super Saver card and everything is 30% off on Thursdays. Bring something to donate and receive a 20% off coupon in return. Saver's is like Bed Bath and Beyond in that there is always a coupon you can use and you're an idiot if you don't have one. Seriously, I will bring in like a single outgrown polo shirt and some ratty jammie pants to toss in the bin and receive a lovely little green coupon in return. Simple.

Stokke high chair for $3.00. 

Good for: men's, women's and children's shoes (seriously, I've found multiple pairs of Sperry's, J Crew, Stride Right and Converse), toys (see Lightening McQueen) kitchen ware (pyrex, baking sheets, mixing and serving bowls), art and wall decor, and the odd piece of furniture, women's clothing and kid's clothing. The BEST selection of kid's clothing in town. Children's Place, Crew Cuts, Baby Gap, Carter's, Tea Company, Janie and Jack (occasionally) ... they have a huge selection. I've bought almost the entirety of our boy's wardrobes at this Savers.

3. Saver's Highlands Ranch (C-470 and, um, another street. It's next to Babies R' Us and Lodos)

This location is much nicer and newer than Littleton, but their selection isn't quite as good, at least for kid's clothes. It's still pretty good though. A decent women's selection too, and fantastic books and linens (curtains, fabric, etc.)

4. Goodwill Highland's Ranch (Broadway and County Line)

Another Super Target scrap heap, loaded with Nate Berkus, Dwell Studio and Threshold items still wearing their orange clearance tags, and home to the not-so-occasional set of pristine sheets in various sizes. Also great for curtains, pillows, linens, bedding, lampshades, frames, and some furniture. Their clothing sections are sub par, but their home goods more than make the trip down south worth it.

5. Goodwill (Hampden and I-25)

This is probably the most hit or miss of the bunch, but we did find our family room couch and recliner there for $30 and $35 respectively, and I've found a few other great pieces of furniture there in the past year (IKEA kids' table and chairs, radio flyer tricycle, patio chairs, coffee table). They have a great women's shoe selection as well, and a new toy section that is slightly better priced than going straight to the big box stores. Their seasonal decor (the store's actual decor, not what's for sale) is straight up traumatizing around Halloween (read: now) so consider yourself warned if your kids are sensitive to blood and gore and, um, severed limbs. Joey is still scarred from last year's trip around this time, so I try to avoid taking the kids to this location.

Hope this fuels a fun thrifting weekend for some of my Denver readers. Just leave anything with the initials J. Crew for me, m'kay?

Top 5 Costco buys

You might even say they're my favorites.

Seriously, I've been thinking what's lacking around these parts lately is that je ne sais quoi that makes a mommy blog a mommy blog. Readership cannot thrive by pure intellectual stimulation alone.

So in an all-time low I present to you a rousing rendition of "what's in my double wide shopping cart?" I mean, aside from the sample drippings and chubby, flailing limbs.

Breath baited?

Good.

Here it goes.

Without fail, every time I hit up everybody's favorite warehouse store (on average, once every 3 weeks), the following 5 times make their way home with me:

1. A crate of San Pellegrino. $13.85 is kind of pricey for 12 sparkly bottles of water, but then you do the math on what 12 bottles of wine would cost in terms of actual dollars and expanded waistlines resulting in yet more clothes shopping, and you will throw that bad boy on your under-cart shelf (along with possibly throwing out your back) faster than you can say 'Lenten happy hour.'

2. A million dollar package of delicious USDA select steaks. But there's a catch: see those 4 steaks pictured above? Well I can wave my magic butcher knife and voila, they will yield about 10 actual, recommended portion sizes for adults. Think that sounds crazy? Yeah, I do too. 4-6 oz of steak doesn't look like much on your plate. But when you're slicing it thinly for salads, mixing it in with roasted onions and peppers for fajitas, or just straight up grilling it to eat with a few veggie sides, it's enough. And it tastes so good, so much better than average grocery store meat! So I drop around $28 on a single package at the beginning of the month and then, we eat steak. I can't stand the taste of cheap beef, which brings me to my next favorite...

3. A triple pack of Kirkland's Best organic ground beef. Is $18 for 5.5 lbs of ground beef stupid? Yes, yes it is. But it tastes like shredded steak, and it is delicious, and my family is content to eat meat 4 times per week instead of 7, so it's really a win/win. Aside from the summer-long meatzapolooza of burgers on the grill, I generally only use ground beef for meatloaf, tacos, taco salad and ragu sauce, so all of those are stretchable meals that can make a pound of ground flex to feed a crowd.

4. Moooooving on. In our #4 spot we have a 2 lb brick of whatever cheese the boys are fancying this week. (Nothing yellow at the moment will cross their lips. Who even knows?). I usually buy Tillamook extra sharp cheddar because it is delicious and you can hack quarter pound slices off the end to eat with your glass of red wine and the log remains the same giant size it was when you unwrapped it, but since this month is all about temperance and abstinence and suffering, I let them pick boring old monterey jack, and the store brand at that. But the takeaway lesson is this: you do not need to buy shredded cheese, ever. Unless it's fresh parmesan, and then I totally absolve you because that is hard to shred and ain't nobody should be consuming the rancid powdered stuff from a can. (I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to educate the uncheesed masses of America. Put down the green cans. It's not real.) What I'm saying about cheese is that it's super super super affordable if you're willing to do your own shredding.

5. Last but not least, the lovely leaves. A boring 6-pack of Romaine lettuce that lasts through one million lettuce wraps and dinner salads. $3.29 for 6 heads of lettuce? Hell to the yes.

Happy shopping, card holders. And don't forget to keep your receipt out when you exit.

Me and my spray paint labored all week

Well not the entire weekend. First we, as in the husband and I, not the Krylon and I, jaunted downtown Friday night to watch the notorious Rocky Mountain Showdown at the Bronco's stadium. CU (go Buffs?) vs. CSU, grain alcohol, public transportation, tailgating in a Prius, half nekkid fans everywhere, Oreo McFlurry at midnight.

I don't think there's anything more to tell.

Saturday dawned and I told myself, self, it's time to whip this house into shape. Get in the car, we're going to Saver's.

I was on the hunt for a bookshelf or low table to use the in kids' school corner, something to go on the wall over our bed, and a handful of other might wants and must haves. I try to have a list going in so that when I'm caught up in the moment of delight over a $2.99 price tag on some piece of ... something, I can reign myself back by asking "was this on the list?" or at least, "could this potentially work instead of something on the list?"

Never go thrifting unless you're willing to walk out empty handed. Otherwise, you'll be doomed to enter into the damning karmic cycle of what Dave affectionately calls "renting from Goodwill." I'll let you scratch your own pretty little head and figure that one out.

Bottom line, crap in = crap out.

So here's a few cute things I ended up with:

This little cutie was still sporting it's Target tags and rang up at 3.49 with my coupon (I am one hundred years old in this post.) because it was missing the shattered central mirror. No problem though, because Dave has put a moratorium on any more mirrors entering our house (also, our closet doors are mirrored. not my fault.) for the time being, and I was looking for a pop of color anyway. So

I unscrewed the backing, hit it with some turquoise spray paint, waited 4 minutes, smudged it, repainted, waited 8 minutes, and then screwed it back together. It looks awesome over our bed, and I swear it winks at me when I walk into the room.

Love love love our bedroom now.

Next up, while not a thrifted project, I got really grossed out about our pantry yesterday around 7 pm and started snapping pictures of it. I guess with you fine people in mind, but mostly to shame myself into doing something about it.

(forgive me, I'm 13 years old and I just learned how to make a picture collage:)

Horrifying, right? It's like Food Hoarders.

In my (our?) defense it was 60% spices, but I am still ashamed.

So I hit up the Dollar Tree this morning and found some not hideous plastic containers and, armed with my trusty can of white Rustoleum and some elbow grease, I emptied, cleaned, touched up and then re-stocked our closet of chaos into what Joey is now calling "the grocery store in our house."

Looking at these pictures, I see that he's right. We have food in abundance, enough that we can display it on shelves and actually take the time to make it look pretty, meanwhile the world is starving...I don't know, I just feel kind of crazy for caring what my food storage situation looks like in the face of poverty. I didn't mean to go there, I just think a lot about this post whenever I'm in my kitchen now, and it kind of makes me feel like an ass. A grateful ass, but still.

 Anyway, here's the big reveal:

SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT? And I didn't even mop the floor. I give it 4 days. But what a lovely and organized 4 days it will be.

Finally, the dirty dirty you all came here to read: the Whole 30. We're on day 4 and it hasn't been that bad! I feel convicted that potatoes - real potatoes, not the heinous sweet varietal - have saved my bacon this time around. It's like a whole other food group has been made available! (Hey, I'm Irish.)

So day 4, cravings are only minimal, and I have a decent amount of energy considering it's 3:45 pm right now. In about an hour I meet with Katie the thigh punisher, so I'll report back with any traumatic accidents involving my quads and the stairs. 

A quick menu recap: 

Breakfast: eggs with avocado and salsa

Snack: green apple with almond butter

Snack: (still breastfeeding, the proof is in the second snack...) handful of almonds and raisins 

Lunch: turkey rolled up in romaine leaves with mustard, raspberries

Snack: (DON'T YOU JUDGE ME) roasted golden potato cubes with olive oil

Dinner: Steak, bacon, roast brussels sprouts, green salad with o & v

Riveting content today. You're welcome!

7QT: Thrifting, non-pregnant nesting, and the epic saga of breastfeeding woes continues

Ciao, tutti. It's time for another rousing rendition of what's going on inside Jenny's nursing bra.

Just kidding.

Well, mostly. How about 7 quick takes mostly unrelated to lactation? Mostly.

1. I must have caught something from my latest re-read of the Nesting Place, because suddenly I've gone full on guerrilla mode on our humble abode and no piece of furniture is safe (nor is it securely in place) in this home. I hit up my favorite of favorites, my local Savers yesterday with all the bambini in tow, and out we walked with the coffee table-turned-crafting-space of my dreams, a standing floor lamp not from Target and not sporting an upside-down dog collar for a shade, and a giant ass Thomas the Train expandable play tent which has been journeying throughout my house over the past 24 hours and can be thrown satisfyingly down the basement steps at a moment's notice. Best $2 I've ever spent, I think.

2. Isn't this hideous?

3. How about now?

4. I'll tell you what, once I get going with a can of spray paint, I tend to get a little out of control. I'd asked a friend earlier this week to meet me after bedtime at our place for a little crafting and after I spied this beauty on Pinterest I decided there were enough droplets of turquoise paint left in the can to coat our wreaths. We also followed this simple felted flower tutorial and with our hot glue guns and a couple bottles of Stella, we had ourselves a good old fashioned girl's night in. The great news is that when we're both 65 years old, we will already have the template for what qualifies as a "good time" down pat.

I'm in love with this wreath. I'd like to take it out to dinner.

6. Speaking of being old and fabulous and domestic, would you guys like it if I did some kind of weekly or bi-weekly thrifting post? I know it's not the "tone" of this blog, per se, but I take so much delight in finding worthless crap and giving it a second chance at life. I also take joy in finding J Crew lovelies with the original tags still on, but that's not quite the same thing. So what do you think? Should I branch out from bodily fluids, Catholic apologetics and s-e-x and give you more frequent glimpses into the deep, dark world of my Goodwill addiction?

5. But let's talk about what you really came here to read about today: Nipplegate 2014. Let's start with the good news. The good news is that I have the very best hookup with the sweetest IBCLC on the planet, and after a 911 call to her voicemail earlier this week, she counseled me over the phone (in Target, obviously. My deepest condolences, fellow shoppers in the lamps and home goods department) and she was encouraging + compassionate and just the right touch of "well, 8 months is a fantastic amount of time to nurse, and if you want to to ahead and try the one-sided route, that's a great idea, and if not, that's great too."

(Basically she's the perfect combination of confidence, professionalism and compassion. If you live in Denver or the surrounding area and ever find yourself in need of such services, I'm happy to point you her way.)

This is an unrelated picture of a reindeer. Never will I ever invite the neighbors to the lame-ass birthdays we throw for our own toddlers.

The bad news is that while I was letting things heal up on the injured side, the uninjured workhouse, old right n' reliable, got an overuse injury or something and now I'm having a doubly uncomfortable time replete with all manner of unmentionable horrors (Dave already is aghast I've said so much on the blog. But you all are so helpful! How can I hold back?). The bottom line is that as of last night, I'd gone 24 hours without nursing or pumping on one side, and my supply is tanking. I'd all but decided we were officially broken up in the breastfeeding department but then around 10:30 pm I burst into her room in a fit of hormonal angst and dream fed her. So, I don't really know where that leaves us. She's probably taking 90% of her liquids by bottle now, but I'm resolved to keep nursing her first thing in the morning and last thing at night, if she wants and if my supply can rise to the challenge. Ugh, motherhood is just full of feeeeeeeeeelings and stuff.

Evie be like "I don't give a bleep just feed me. Anything."

7. Whichever one of you brilliant people recommended Peg + Cat is my very favorite, because my kids can count and add and subtract...and I've done nothing. Now this is my idea of homeschooling.

See you over at Jen's place.

It doesn't have to be perfect...

I'm re-reading the Nesting Place and I know, I know, everyone and their mom has heard about it and read it and implemented it but I'm just so stoked about how transformative it has been for my home decorating abilities. I would typically have modified that last sentence with some snarky little one off like "or lack thereof" but I'm newly convinced that I do, in fact, have some sort of authority in the style and decor world: namely, the mandate to deck my own halls however I see fit, using the resources and pieces I've been entrusted with.

I have a pretty distinctive style when it comes to home decor. I think it's best encapsulated by the term "minimalist chic" or maybe "timeless, bare ass walls and floors." The bottom line is this: I hate clutter, and if I haven't used something in the last week or so (and if I haven't seen you use it either, sweetheart) it's going to Goodwill. I've also been known to donate items of children's clothing simply because I'm tired of washing them. (When you outfit your young almost exclusively in thrift store couture, you can be ballsy like that. You're welcome.)

Imagine my surprise then when I found myself re-reading the it homemaking book of the summer and finding the following advice resonating within my soul: don't wait for the perfect house, don't put off decorating because you're renting, and don't use something you hate simply because it's on hand or "good enough."

Guilty, guiltier, and guiltiest, as charged.

But then she goes on to talk about her favorite activity being furniture rearrangement and my heart skipped a beat because me too! Second to dropping bags of s at the curb, building new rooms out of old pieces in new places is my favorite!

So as I drifted off to sleep last night I envisioned multiple rearrangements of our sad, sterile living room where little to no living was ever done and whose beautiful bay window sat unloved and ignored day after day. No morning coffees were being enjoyed on our single common area new furniture purchase: our pretty leather (okay, bonded leather) couch. No sunlight was being soaked up through that pretty window. I decided that all had to change.

It's a great window, amiright? And mama Mary deserves fresh flowers, even though a cat bit off her thumbs. 

So, when Evie bounced me out of bed this morning at 6:25 or so, (still riding the injury list in the breast-feeding department, fyi, but we're soldiering on) instead of moaning and dreaming of more sleep, I flew into the front room to start my extreme home makeover. A few minutes of pushing and sliding and a shot or two of espresso later, bam, the transformation was complete. And finally, after a year of living in our current rental (and we've just signed on for another year) I have a living room that I actually want to do some living in. It still wants a piece or two of art for the walls, and I'm not in love with the very expensive but very not-my-style Oriental rug we received as a wedding gift, but considering this was accomplished for the very low price of zero dollars, I'm pretty satisfied with the outcome.

Mind you, I'm no photographer, iPhone enabled or not. I took not one single art/photo/crafting class in all my years of life. I mean I suppose there was mandatory art in elementary school, but I remember it not. Consider your eyeballs forewarned.

Family room/kiddie watching/reading/crafting area: airy and decluttered (and washed out. See above.)

Myquillen (no idea how that's pronounced but I feel like it might rhyme with Nyquil?) talks about re-purposing assigned spaces that you don't have a use for and lassoing it for space you do desperately need and I guess I'd already sort of intuited that because goodbye, formal dining room, hello mommy's office:

Everything be thrifted, everything be fabulous. (Oh, except the rug. HomeGoods 4 life.)

I especially love this little wall. I feel like it's the most (only?) pinterest-worthy space in my home and not that I give a particular damn about that (maybe a very tiny one), but it's nice to feel like there's at least one area you wouldn't really change, even if you had the budget to do so:

Check those wedding photos from Lucy O Photography. See that cute little Jude Landry print in that thrifted frame? I love. Also, globes. Probably the reason my 3 year old reads atlases for fun is genetic in origin.

She also talks about how beauty is not useless, or something to that effect. So fresh flowers, why not? Why is it better to spend $4 on yet another sisyphean gallon of whole milk than to buy a bouquet of slightly past their prime carnations?

Look how nice that looks! And that's on a dirty, hand me down kitchen table with a Bumbo in the background.

So at last we come to the piece de resistance, the formerly unliveable and unloveable living room. Let me scrounge around for a before (clearly not a home decor blogger; rookie mistake)

Sorry, I got nothing. So here's the after, anyway. Just picture the before as bland, couch shoved against the wall immediately facing the front door, and seating for only 3 very cozy adults.

Blurry front view.

Natural view with toddler photo bomber.

From the side 

Looking from the front door. 

So is it perfect? I mean, is it ever? Obviously I'd add some gorgeous, $600 window treatments if I could, and I'd love to have some non-religous art on my walls so that our neighbors don't think we're even bigger weirdos than they suspect, but for now, this makes me 100% happier than the old setup ever did, and I achieved it with no money and no time spent in Target. That's a big win in this mama's book, both from a budgetary and spiritual perspective.

Spiritual, you ask? Yes, because you see, (or maybe you don't, but I'm about to do a little confessing to you so pull on your stole) sometimes I shop out of a place of emptiness, and I don't just mean the bare walls kind. I mean sometimes I really, truly believe that something I find at Target or TJ Maxx or Nordstrom Rack is going to make it all better. Is going to make me feel happy/fulfilled/peaceful. So imagine my surprise at how incredible it felt to buy nothing, to grasp for nothing, to simply make do with what was already on hand...and to have it turn out so utterly to my satisfaction.

I think that's been my biggest takeaway from the Nesting Place: love where you are, and be grateful for what you have. And for the love of chevron and jute rugs, don't consign yourself to living in a half-assembled dump just because you're not commanding a Pottery Barn budget and dwelling in a 3,000 square foot palace. And if you are dwelling in a half-assembled dump? Or, say, a refuge camp? You can work with that, too.

Check this out:

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There's beauty everywhere.

I've Got a Mother's Helper

(sung to the tune of "I've got the golden ticket")

I'm not saying that to brag, truly I'm not, people. But oh my goodness can I get an amen and an alleluia up in here over what an absolute game changer it has been to have another pair of hands on deck?

Let me sketch this scene out for you: 1:59 pm, Friday afternoon. The gym is abandoned, save for the cleaning woman and one, solitary mother chugging along on the elliptical. All is silent, save for the subdued hum of scripted conversation from "House Hunters International" buzzing in her earbuds. All is right with the world. End scene.

In a word: perfection. Because wee bambina is under 6 months of age, she cannot foray into the kid's club with her elder brothers, so all daytime gym visits have been off limits to me, until now. While I love working out at night after they're all abed, I also like seeing my husband once in a while, so this daytime visit was total bliss.

I popped back home to feed the princess (our gym is less than half a mile from our house, and is therefore the one I've used more than any other since the old dorm + rec center relationship back in the day. So spoiled) and I ended up cuddled up on my bed in the middle of the afternoon, leisurely nursing the babe with Kristen Lavrasdatter propped open in one hand. I honestly felt so discombobulated by the peaceful nothingness  of what was transpiring that I surrendered to my discomfort with being 'at rest' and hopped back in the van, Genevieve in tow, to hit up the bank, the Hobby Lobby, and the thriftstore. Ballin.

In short, I humbly submit the creation of the concept of "mother's helper" as the second best thing to happen to modern motherhood, runner up to the disposable diaper alone.

I went back and forth on the idea for a loooong time before one craaaaazy day led me to pull the trigger on 3-year-old pre school and a MH at the same time. Holy financial train wreck, batman. But honestly, it hasn't been that bad. I pulled and pushed some things around in the budget and actually, without ever drinking coffee outside the house save for the rarest of occasions and cooking more homemade from scratch dinners senza carne, we've managed to make it work with minimal pain.

Moms, if there is any possibility for this to happen to your life, do it. Just do it. Cancel the Netflix account, scrap your weekly trip to Chicfila, boycott Starbucks, beg your inlaws for monetary gifts at birthday and Christmas time and squirrel it away for this express purpose…but do it. We were never meant to mother our children alone for 12 hours a day, 5-7 days a week. Unless you are living next door to your endlessly available parents or in a commune with your sister wives, you are living out a most unusual model of motherhood, the likes of which history and most of the world has never seen.

So to all you mamas out there who encouraged me to take this leap, I salute you. I will tip my Valentine's margarita glass back tonight with gusto in your honor. And I will think fondly of you when I am blissfully applying mascara and using the toilet, but not at the same time, because twice a week, I no longer have to live out that scenario.

(*Lest this all come across as indulgent fluff, I'm also happy to report that my skinny little daughter has also put on 7 ounces in the past 3 days, simply because I have more time to spend nursing her. Color me one terrible and satisfied mother.)

Water, water everywhere...

But Mommy doesn't want to share.

Not anymore, suckers. 

That's right, you can't dip your fingers into my brand new Nalgene, and you can't coax snotty little sips from me because, sigh, it's easier than getting up and getting another cup for you to drink 2 sips out of before running away…

This one's all Mommy's. Day 3 - bought myself a water bottle. 

I also made a conscious decision to spend nap time (all three down at once, first time!!) eating a leisurely lunch in silence, catching up on internets, and sipping Pellegrino with lit candles burning on the coffee table in front of me. Normally this precious daily interlude finds me frantically cleaning and reassembling the house, so that when the boys awake they can - wait for it - trash it all over again so I can repeat the process after bedtime. 

Why am I cleaning my house twice every day? Am I crazy? Quite possibly. 

So yeah, the floors look pretty sick right now, but I'm probably going to have time to pray a rosary and possibly even eat a lara bar before anyone makes a needy squeak. I'd consider that a fair trade. 

p.s. Katrina and Kris and Lucy and all kinds of fun mamas are playing along…are you taking good care of yourself today?

p.p.s. Mama Needs Coffee is Sheenazing…who knew? Voting begins tomorrow at Bonnie the magnificent multitasker's.

7 Quick Takes from Under a Rock

...aka life with a newborn. Or at least the way life ought to be with a newborn.

1. This is my first go-round where hideous, creeping PPD hasn't been on the menu for the post partum period, and oh my GOD is it a game changer. (I say that prayerfully. I am so profoundly grateful for not having to shoulder that cross this time around.) I am actually experiencing those moments of joy and wonder where I've got nothing more pressing on my agenda than staring at my sweet baby's fluffy duckling hair and pink cheeks. Okay, that's a lie, I've had a fair share of weepy/enraged outbursts and, okay, certain members of this household have really let their personal hygiene standards sliiiiide (I'm looking at you, 21 month old who pissed on the oriental rug yesterday morning) … but for the most part, it's like a honeymoon. If a honeymoon involved very little sleep, relaxation, or clothing that was attractive in any way, shape, or form. But still, it's good. So good.

She looks the grumpiest, but she's really the best.

2. I've been trolling everyone else's blog and reading some of those end of the year recap posts and thinking about what I want to accomplish/shoot for this year, and to be honest, it's not really something I generally go in for. New Year's resolutions are somewhere between wearing green on St. Patrick's day and eating hot dogs on the 4th of July in my hierarchy of holiday observations, but I think reading some excellent and insightful content from other peoples' mental to-do lists has inspired a touch of aspiration in me. Just a touch. I thought about the possibility of having a word to inspire/aspire to for the new year, and I came up with 'Focus.' Which is really fairly ridiculous, because I now have 3 kids 3 and under, the best sleeper in the lot is 18 days old, and I'm stupid tired all the time. But I think I might be stupid tired for the next several decades, actually. So I want to sharpen my moments, if you will, into something resembling meaningful experiences, be they tedious read-alouds with the non-verbal set or cathartic late-night vacuuming sessions to soothe my tired soul. (Please tell me I'm not alone?) So, Focus. As in, wherever you are, be there. Be all in. So 2014, I'm going all in. And I'm going to start by purchasing 3 different sizes of diapers in bulk.

3. Reading actual books. I spend so much time on the internet and so much time reading 800 word snippets of news! information! breaking! relevant! now! that I'm kind of rusty in the practice of actually consuming entire volumes of thematic information. And I don't think it speaks well for my intellect that the past 10 works of fiction I've dipped into would all be on the same shelf at the library, and that shelf would also include the Twilight series. Dystopian YA fiction, we're on a break. I'll call you when I've had my space. I'm loving reading her list and also hers, and then I happened upon this one last night and basically i have my work cut out for me. And speaking of libraries, I should probably start using one again because Kindle will bankrupt us on my watch if I'm not more careful.

4. Okay also this one.

Because a friend of mine wrote it. And I love this picture of Papa. I'm really hoping to work through EG as a couple this year, but daily reflections are probably more along our stupid tired speed right now.

5. My baby, that adorable squishy fluffy haired baby, hates dairy and alcohol. I'm like, seriously kid, you were friggin conceived in Italy, put your game face on… but she's like, "No thanks mom, I'd prefer if you'd stick to seltzer water and lara bars. Okay, and scrambled eggs are fine with your black espresso."

Little tyrant.

(Hence the above-pictured lime soda water I'm currently enjoying for my midday happy hour on the front stoop. Did I mention it's 60 degrees in Denver today?)

6. In the spirit of being more 'focused' I'm going to try really hard to write at the same time each day, be that for the blog, for Catholic Exchange, for CNA, or for some other publication. What that translates to on a practical level will be a steadier stream of content, I hope, though perhaps slightly less frequent posting overall. But the fact that my nap-boycotting three year old is shrieking at me from his room right now is probably a fair indication of how this will pan out.

7. Speaking of being up to my ears in babies…does anybody out there in blogland use a mother's helper? Where did you find such a magical creature, what do you pay them, how many hours per week do you employ them, and how do you define their roles? Ideally I'm looking for 10 hours of housework/meal prep/kid entertaining so that I can either a. nurse the baby b. hit a deadline or c. leave the house for a mental health break/a work meeting. Can a mother's helper meet these pressing and exciting needs? Should I offer a 401k package? Do I need to clean my house frantically every day before she shows up so I won't engage in self-shaming behavior the entire time she is here? Do tell.

Head over to Jen's, the list-whisperer, for more.

7 Thrift Takes

The other night while feeding the kids and early and ambitious dinner of gluten free grilled cheeses and uncooked green beans (I roll high and heavy in the culinary department), Joey looked up from his plate and nonchalantly stated "I'm gonna pop some tags, Mommy." before dropping his eyes back to his food. I guess that makes me an awesome parent? Or a really, really truly negligent mother, because this song is full of f-bombs. Now, in my defense, it was playing on constant repeat in every bar and restaurant in Rome for a good 2 months of this summer, so he heard it plenty without my queing it up on the Youtube, but still.

Poppin' taaaaaags.

What I really want to communicate to you, fine readers, is the deep and abiding love that I (and my innocent young children) have for thrifting. It's truly my competitive sport of choice in this season of my life, and the way my heart rate elevates at the mere sight of a "Goodwill" logo tells me there is at least a minimal amount of cardio benefit to be had.

Various frames, Goodwill via Target, $2-$4

Like any other sport, there are ground rules which are critical to the success and enjoyment of the game. Imma lay a few down for you, because if I've perfected anything over these past 10 months of purging, donating, purchasing, packing, and than hitting 'replay,' it's the art of the thrift.

Pottery Barn espresso cups, $.99, Rainbow plate, $2 via Saver's.

And so, here you have it:

1. Don't go in blind. This is the first and foremost rule of thrifting, and it is one I didn't fully understand until somewhat recently. Saver's is not Target, and the Salvation Army is not laid out by the same people who stock Anthropologie. 19 times out of 20, you are not going to happen upon some treasure ala Antique Roadshow that is beautiful/functional/valuable just because you happened to wander in to a secondhand shop. Oh no, no no. You need to have a vision, a laundry list of needs and wants, and one that is broad enough to leave room for interpretation but not so broad that you end up buying some crap that is probably only 20% marked down from it's original retail value. I call that getting swindled, and so does Joey. So do your research, make a list of what you're looking for, down to color and cost, and don't settle just because you find something that 'might do.' Trust me, once you get it home, it won't.

I went in looking for a couch, I left with a couch. Tan microfiber couch, Goodwill, $40

2. Which brings me to my next tip: if you don't love it, don't buy it. I'm not saying that piece of beat up furniture you're going to refinish has to be swoon worthy at check out time, but if you don't feel that thrill of excitement when you load that puppy into your cart, don't do it. You wouldn't do it at a full price store, so why would you do it when purchasing other people's discarded crap? If anything, be more choosy when you're thrifting; you can afford to be! At the same time, if you are conisdering something...throw it in the cart and drive around with it a while. You can always put it back (and I do this multiple times in a successful trip) but you can never wrest it from bargain grannie's fingers once she has snatched it up.

Espresso wine cabinent, new in box, Target via Goodwill, $30

3. Don't buy a brand you wouldn't gladly pay full price for. I heed this especially when clothes shopping, because it's important to value cut and quality above all else, especially when it has already been loved once by someone else. This may sound vain, but I won't even look at an item of clothing for myself if it doesn't say J Crew, Banana, Gap, White Black, or Ann Taylor. I have maybe strayed from this rule a half dozen times, and I can tell you, I've got a half dozen mistakes in my closet that never see the light of day. Don't spend your money on second hand 'value' brands, because it isn't a value. Not by the time it gets to you.

(For kid's clothing, my go-to's are Gap, Janie and Jack, Crew Cuts, Children's Place, soooooometimes Old Navy if it's in awesome shape, and Stride Right)

Espresso folding bookcase, Pier One via Goodwill, $15. Random gold mirror, $3.

4. Don't be afraid to take your kids. If I had to think about when I was going to get to a store without the boys, I'd do a lot of thinking and very little actual browsing. The awesome thing about a thrift store is that they are without exception interesting and engaging to little people. Most have a book section, some are even set up like a cafe with tables and coffee. And the toy section: it's a train wreck. So, I park my kids happily in the wreck and, keeping them in eye/ear shot, I shop. They play, I browse, and nobody raises an eyebrow. Because again, we're not at Target here. These teammembers are just trying to stay sober and make an honest buck, they aren't going to look twice at your kid digging happily through piles of grimy toys. Nothing a little Clorox can't handle...

Pottery Barn kids kitchen via Saver's, $8. Tea kettle and various kitchen tools, $.50-$2, Goodwill.

5. Use your imagination...but don't stretch it too far. This kind of goes hand in hand with 1 and 2, but don't fancy yourself some kind of avant garde hipster just because you're standing in front of a pile of 'retro' dinner plates and suddenly envisioning your kitchen looking like a loft in the East Village. But, do take risks. You can afford to be a little more interesting than usual, because if it doesn't work, you can usually exchange the offending item for store credit or simply re-donate it. I took a chance on a pillow that wasn't strictly up my alley and needed a little laundering, and now it's one of my favorite details in our living room.

I love you $30 Target chair, and your $2 World Market pillow pal.

6. Shop early and shop often. Do not make the mistake of hitting up Goodwill one Saturday morning every two months and thinking you're 'doing' this thrifting thing. Part of the reason I find some of the crazy deals that I do is because I go often. These days, that looks like once and sometimes twice per week, because we're trying to put an entire house together, and also because I'm gestating a Christmas turkey here and I need to get my nativity affairs in order. I definitely don't always find something, and I am NOT afraid to walk out emptyhanded, because I know that I could come back in 4 days and find something just perfect waiting for me. Timing is everything, and so is persistence. Find one or two or four stores in your area that you regularly see good merchandise at, and then hit them up. Regularly.

The beige wasteland that is our current family room: couch, kid's rocker (PB kids, $8), IKEA table set ($8), and lone wall decor, all thrifted.

7. Don't be afraid to bargain. While a thrift store is not a garage sale, it's also not the mall, and the employees and managers actually do have the ability to mark down your item if you can make a good case for it. If something is damaged, missing an element, or just plain seems overpriced, ask if they will come down in price. The worst thing you can hear is 'no,' and it's not embarrassing in the least. Because hello, it's a thrift shop. People made one teeny stretch of effort further and dropped their castoffs here instead of the dump. So ask away!

Dave calls this my "mirror mirror." Whatev, I love it. Saver's, $5.

The moral of the story is this: if you love fashion, design, or DIY, you need to accquaint yourselves with this way of life, because it is so much fun and it is so possible to do it well. If you're in Denver, I can point you in the direction of a few of the most lucrative hot spots, but then I will have to kill you ;)

Genevieve's nursery, in progress. Nate Berkus for Target curtains, $10 via Goodwill. Anthro pillow, $6 via Goodwill.

(hint, hint: Cherry Creek Goodwill. Super Target dumps their off-season merchandise there every Wednesday morning.)

Now get out there and start thrifting. And be sure to take thyself to Jen's on your way out.

5 Feminine Favorites

How's that for a terrible title?

But thanks to Grace hosting for Hallie, I can burn your retinas with some girly girl favorites for the week:

1.

This post has gotten me thinking...and thinking, and thinking. I'm in a similar place in my life and motherhood, and it feels like the time is ripe for real growth. At any rate, I can pinpoint a big reason why writing has been so infrequent lately.

2. 

Introspective flash of insight: I feel physically ill at ease when my house is undecorated and/or cluttered. It's like my home environment is wearing dirty yoga pants and no bra, and I am struck to the core with the realization that fresh flowers and plumped throw pillows are the decorating equivalent of a shower and a blow out. So sometimes when I don't have time for the latter, I rely on the visual cues of the former to keep me from going to a scary, scary place mentally.

So stuff like this? Life saving, for me.

3. 

My sweet, sweet boys have become so very snuggly lately, and Joey has become quite free with his compliments. This week he has told me multiple times that "I like that hair color, Mommy" and lately at bedtime in lieu of the usual tantrum + face punching combo he has actually been asking me to lie down with him and snuggle. He then snakes one little arm around my neck and pulls me in tight so I can breathe his toddler poop breath while he kisses me repeatedly on the lips. Way to a mama's heart for sure. Melt. 

4.

Dave called me this weekend while I was out running errands and announced that he had planned and scheduled date night for tonight, with zero prompting or input from me. Not that this is completely out of character, because I probably married the most thoughtful and romantic man on earth, but he has been swamped at work and it was just such a nice surprise. He even tried to line up the babysitter by himself, which is like hot fudge on chocolate in my book. Husbands: all your wife wants is a night out of the house and some childcare. Truly.

From our engagement party, salvaged during recent Facebook purging.

5. 

Honestly, it's a good thing he is such a good husband and father, because it will give our little girl something to pattern her tastes after. 

Surprise! Meet Genevieve Therese. Lured by the unbearable temptation of a 4D ultrasound machine and an OB appointment sans toddlers, we decided to 'meet' our latest interior baby a few months earlier than usual. 

She's a bit daintier than her brothers were, so we get to go back in a month for another peek to make sure she's growing well. Isn't she pretty? I have a daughter...I can't believe it. And she clearly can't believe we had the audacity to photograph her. Her sweet little hands were covering her face and/or eyes the whole time. What a little doll. 

I tried to buy her first outfit today and left Old Navy with a nary to show for myself but a rainbow-striped onesie from the clearance rack and elevated blood pressure. I don't know if I can handle all the crazy that will be dressing and accessorizing a lady baby. Good thing I have 4 more months to plan and execute her sartorial debut. I'm thinking houndstooth.