Monday Report

Honestly, in light of last week's doomsday post you'd think I spent the entirety of the past 7 days elbow deep in vomit, but in reality, that was only last Monday and then, surprise, last night. Apparently this stomach bug has a fun 6 day latency period before striking the next victim? Anyway, blue Dawn dish soap covers a multitude of sins, and I am oh-so-grateful for the laundry sink our landlord installed in our basement only last month. So. Grateful.

Today I had big plans involving solo shopping and gym-going, courtesy of my magnificent mother's helper and a freezer full of frozen milk, but alas, I had to be a decent human being and call her off, because the lucky duck is leaving on a Roman pilgrimage for Holy Week, and I didn't suppose she'd want to add projectile vomiting to her Lenten penances.

Anyway, enough about vomit, let's talk about this mysterious 'cleanse' I alluded to weeks ago. The materials came and I started following the plan exactly 6 days ago. And you know what? It. is. awesome.

Unrelated adorable baby photo.

A disclaimer before I go any further: I'm cheating. Big time. About the same time the Arbonne goodies arrived on my doorstep, I happened to tear through Mrs. Fulwiler's handy little e-book in a single setting (it was that good. Do yourself a favor and pre-order her memoir to get your now free copy) and I took her recommendation of the science-riddled "Perfect Health Diet" to heart. I downloaded it to my Kindle and while I'm only 1/5 of the way though it (so. much. science.) I've been implementing the basic recommendations the authors make and it has been nothing short of extraordinary as far as energy levels, blood sugar stability, and (best of all?) weight loss!

An anecdotal account for you: even though my people have been sick and angry and mostly banned from tv this past week, I've hardly been yelling. And even better, I'm actually laughing at them more often than I'm shaking my fist, because now that I'm not in a semi-hypoglycemic coma every afternoon and feeling like walking death even after 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep, I can actually function as a semi-competent mother. Wonder of wonders.

So the Arbonne 28-day challenge (basically a paleo/clean eating regimen + protein shakes, detox tea, probiotics and energy supplements) wedded to the Perfect Health Diet (moderate carbs from 'safe starches' like potatoes, rice, and squash; no grains; full fat dairy; no added sugar; and no seed oils or vegetable oils aside from avocado and olive)  has yielded a brand new Jenny. And…aaaaaannd….I lost 3 lbs in 5 days. Without being hungry. Actually, while eating more fat than I've ever eaten on purpose.

I've also doubled my thyroid medication (I take armor thyroid, a naturally-derived desiccated thyroid formulation) and been super careful to take it hours before anything else enters my system, and it's making a huge difference in the depression and energy department.

So while barf is raining (reigning? Maybe both) all around me, I feel gooooooood. And that might be the best indication of all that I'm barking up the right tree. Over and out: I've got sheets to scrub.